Things That Make Me Say 'Are YEW Serious?!"

so the past few days there has been a tremendous amount of shit (<--mostly work) happen that i have just stood there and squinted my eyes, cocked my head to one side, and with the most disdain possible in my voice said "are yew serious?!" and rather than rant and rave and make 546846 different blog entries i'll just make a list, i do luuuurve lists.
Ahem and on we go:

1)my schedule rotates, this week is my short week, love my short weeks, two 12 hour shifts then a gloorrrrrious three day weekend. i come in wednesday in a pretty good mood, made it through my drive without falling asleep, i'm informed there's a communication meeting in the auditorium. (usually these meetings are bullshit and it gives me a few extra minutes to prepare myself for the laziness of my coworkers or to giggle to myself that so many people don't own mirrors and if they do they are obviously not using them before they leave their house) as i'm walking to this meeting i'm hearing the whispers, the norm...bankruptcy, lay offs, new coffee shop, blah blah...i get into the meeting and we are abruptly informed that we as a company are broke, and in an effort to save our pathetic german ass everyone in support of 300 MM will be taking one mandatory UNPAID day off PER pay period for the next EIGHT pay period or SIXTEEN weeks. WTF?! it will only affect me for about 7 weeks but STILL! this is cutting my overtime, my 401K and my BONUS! "Are yew serious?!"

2) fast forward two hours, i'm checking my work email and deleting all the bullshit i get on a daily basis(people around here don't communicate face to face, they would rather fill up my inbox with emails from their blackberry) and i get the company newsletter, basically a worthless email that i delete, not this one this time though. i read it and got to one sentence that almost made me wet my pants, pause for a moment, here's the deal with this job i don't like it but it pays the bills so i can deal and i don't have to work here forever, just while my hubby is still stationed here, but to be at a job i hate that doesn't pay the bills, i'm not so much down with that or to lose it before i'm ready also not down with that, ok back to the story, the sentence in the email that almost made me wet my pants went something like this...if the company doesn't find an investor or stumble on a mountain of cash by the 14th of DECEMBER (<--as in ten days) liquidation will be necessary! "Are yew serious?!"

3) like i said before my schedule rotates on what is called a 5 and 2(one week i work five days mon, tues, fri, sat, sun, and the next week i work wed thurs) we have 4 shifts( 2 day shifts 2 night shifts) i recently got voluntold to switch the second day shift(was on the first day shift) the way the holidays fell this year was the first day shift(D1) had to work all the major holidays excluding new years(my FAVE) then when i switched to the second day shift(D2) i got those off excluding new years (BOO!) so when talking to my supervisor about switching i told him my concerns about having new years off bc on the other shift i wasn't going to have to use PTO and with coming to the new shift was i still going to be able to have it off, everyone else has had the opportunity to save the PTO up and i haven't blah blah blah. he said yes you should be fine no worries. so the first day he changed my status so i could apply for those days off, i did. there was already one person requesting both days off, his request was in waaaay before mine was, no biggie; APPROVED! so the supervisor approves new year's eve and then denies new years day!!! then come to find out approves it for some schmuck who put his request in almost A MONTH after i put mine in! "Are yew serious?!"
***UPDATE***i wrote the supe an email telling him that we already spoke of this situation and with all due respect i put my request in BEFORE the other guy and if he wouldn't give me vacation i'll take it without pay... he wrote me back telling me that i was right in recalling that we had ALREADY talked about it, and i was told i could have it off. so now i don't know what's going to happen. he'll either approve it or deny it and i'll take it without day.

4) i had a class this morning at 10am, i went down fifteen before hand, and when the class ended at 11am i went to lunch for an hour and 15, so i was gone from 945am to 1215ishpm, the agenda for today was two quarterly PMs, they take about an hour to an hour and a half to do. there were two OTHER people who are EXPERTS at these machines up here for that time period, so i was figuring cool i just finish up whatever is left and it will make for an easy afternoon...WRONG! i get up here after being gone for TWO and A HALF only to discover that NOT ONE DAMN THING has been done!!! "Are yew serious?!"

5) apparently around here it is customary that when you walk past someone's chair to grab the top of it, move it around and keep walking. this has happened somewhere between 45 times today. if it happens again i'm pretty sure i'm going to punch someone in the face. seriously stop touching my fuckin chair! (ohk not an are yew serious but along the same lines)

so now i'm done bitching for the moment and i need to go and complete these PMs that the experts couldn't handle.
i'm out

Blogger...You are on Notice!

oh how i do adore this website, it allows me to blog about things i deem important or entertaining, i also allowed me to discover the wonderful world of blogging without the added hassle of paying for a domain name BUT then this lovely website decided to be a pain in my ass...

Strike 1-when i tried to change the template for the blog it wouldn't work and froze up. this happened several times, eventually i gave up and just picked a different template(of course after screaming strings of profanities loud enough for my poor dog to run and hide under the table...sorry chaz)

Strike 2- i wanted to do some random surfing and check out new and interesting blogs that weren't tied up in the little blog world in which i drown myself in on a daily basis, so i hit "next blog" button about 78,596 times and to my dismay only 6 were in english and the rest were in different languages and so much HTML it just looked like a damn jumbled mess OR were advertising something i didn't care about. boo!

Strike 3- every single picture i find to put behind my title, blogger finds something wrong with the code and won't let me put it there. i just want a little individuality in my blog but apparently blogger says "fuck you kristy J!" and i repeat said actions in strike 1.

so here i sit aggitated at blogger, no new blogs to read, and i'm at work and it's SATURDAY! i'm missing football and NO NEW BLOGS TO READ! i'm dying over here.

and to make matters worse my trainer ate garlic this morning OH THE HUMANITY!!!!

i'm done
peace out

When Bad Breath Attacks

So there is lovely man that I work with, he’s in his late 50s, super nice man, old as dirt but still nice. He’s my trainer for the time being
(I just switched shifts for “training” purposes, meaning some dumb bitch on the other shift didn’t like me and went tattled to her manager husband about me, oh did I mention she’s in her FIFTIES!!!!!, but that’s a story for another time, back on track…new shift, so I’m pretty sure that my boss told my new coworkers that I am retarded and need “special” attention)
back to my story…this lovely old man takes into account that he thinks I’m retarded and makes sure to explain every single task in minute detail to me, normally I wouldn’t mind and I would just go with it, but he has the most VILE disgusting breath I’ve ever smelled and to make matters worse he’s a CLOSE talker. I work in what’s called a clean room so if there is any sort of smell or odor it’s way more noticeable and his breath is so bad that I completely cannot pay attention to anything he's saying bc I'm trying to plan my escape route. At first I just thought it was morning breath…NOPE it’s ALL DAY BREATH! I’m pretty sure if I shoved straight shit into my nose it would probably have a more appealing smell than this man’s breath. I don’t want to be mean to him but there’s only so much breath holding and avoiding a person could do. I thought of just not breathing through my nose and only through my mouth(you know mouth breathers are in this season) but then the mask goes into my mouth and that’s just yucky….so I’m back to square one which consists of me running away or just pinging him on his Nextel. I can’t even offer him gum or candy bc we work in a clean room and it’s against the rules.
Well this was my rant for the day!

Marriage and Other Shit

so i'm still not very good at keeping up with this thing, i'll try and do better. so let's see what's new...here we'll do this in a list format, it might be easier to follow and easier for me to write seeing as how i've had a few glasses of wine. so away we go:

1--> i got married! YAY! two weeks ago. it was wonderful and beautiful and the happiest day of my life. that being said I AM SO EFFIN GLAD IT'S OVER!! i will pat myself on the back and say i wasn't a bridezilla. i had lots of help and it went smoothly. everyone looked beautiful. i have a great new big family and i am SO SO happy about being married. my hubby is great!

2-->i HAAAAAAAAAAATE my job!!!!!!!!!!!!! the job itself isn't bad but the people...oh myyy god the people...it's like highschool but with older uglier people who face you can't see(clean room suit) the shit talking and the dirty looks, i didn't even do anything to these poeple. WHATEVER! NEWS FLASH LOSERS the company is going BANKRUPT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yah the stock closing today was $0.19 today. it's like they refuse to acknowledge that in less than four months they are going to be unemployed. they are a team of ignorant useless uptight assholes who for some reason think they are "cool" bc they spend all day making others feel like outsiders. this one girl did the whole finger wag head shake thing to me then the next day i bumped into her and then like the "mature" 29 year old she is, she PUSHED me! like we were on a playground or drunk in a bar. needless to say i spent most of my day yesterday in human resources droppin dimes like a muthafucka. i hate those people. i start my new shift tomorrow...the good thing about this shift...NO GIRLS! YAY! i don't get along with girls for some reason. i can't wait to quit this job. is that bad?


3--> the husband got orders to GREECE! we leave in february to go to chicago for four months while he attends school, then in june we leave for greece for two years! i'm SO fucking excited it's ridiculous. we bought the rosetta stone thingy so we can learn to speak greek before we get over there. should be pretty cool. i decided(bc i live in a fantasy world where money is no object) that we should live in a villa over looking the beach. i don't know if it's going to happen but i can dream. another really cool part i don't have to work while i'm over there he said i don't have to work i can just go to school full time. YEEEEOW! i'm stoked.

4-->i know other people are thinking this so i'm going to say err write it....CAN THIS ELECTION JUST BE THE FUCK OVERWITH ALREADY?!?!?!?!? JEEZ! i just want to listen to the radio and NOT hear 17 "i'm barac obama and i approve this message" or "i'm john mccain and i approve this message" AUH! i just want to punch babies...shit just play the songs i want to hear and get the hell over it. SHIT!

5-->my dog has a bruised trachea. he ate a rawhide and it got stuck in there and from all the coughing and gagging it bruised the hell out of his trachea, so much so that it damaged the cartilage in the trachea. poor baby. he gets to eat lots of ice cream, soft food, and enjoy lots of belly rubs.

alllllright well i think i'm done for now. i promise i will be better about writing in here.
peace bitches

I like to start things and not finish them...

so i've ignored this thing for like months or something...ooops my bad. the boy got home and i forgot everything i was doing before and enjoying all kinds of adventures with him. hmm so in other news...I GOT ENGAGED!!!! and we're getting married in like six weeks!! YAY! i know it's quick but it's good this way bc we're not sure what's going to be going on in the next year or so..like jobs or living arrangements...soooo we'll be getting married on the beach in october! i'm so excited. it's all coming together pretty smoothly. i think the only thing we have left to take care of is the dreaded trip to the court house and sift through the ignorance and bullshit to get the marriage license.
in other news...i've come to hate my job and the morons i work with. it's basically like working in a really cool technical scientific place with people who couldn't troubleshoot their way out of a wet paper bag. and me and my infinite wisdom signed a TWO YEAR CONTRACT otherwise i have to pay them back like 12 thousand dollars. JEEZ! WTF was i thinking? apparently i wasn't..good job me!
in other news...well yes i think that's it. not a whole lot...work drink and have adventures with my fiance. my dog is still giant...like a 100lbs now...he eats like a horse and it's definitely putting a dent in my bank account. he's cute and a super great dog.
alright it's time to cook dinner...i'll try and keep up with this thing more.

Lap Dances, Boners, and Inappropriate Giggling

setting: production desk at work and me trying to think of what to blog about

guy at work: how can you really give a lap dance when a lap is something that doesn't exist?

me:huh? *blank stare with a head tilt*

guy at work: how can you give a lap dance when a lap doesn't exist? *he then stood up to show me what he meant*

me:you always have a lap it's just in a different position...*pause* or do you?

guy at work: see it doesn't exist so you can't give a lap dance

me: so if it's not a lap dance what is it?

guy at work: dry hump

me:it's not a dry hump, you're not doing it back and if you are you will get kicked out

guy at work: that's why i don't go to clubs in virginia

me:*giggling and shaking my head*

**this is what work conversations consist of...only this time no mention of boners..well not in this particular one**

this caused me to lose my train of thought...this is all for today. maybe something later tonite. the drive home usually causes a whirlwind of WTF thoughts in my head.

peace bitches
Kristy J

this follows no rhyme or reason-you've been warned

this post will follow no rhyme or reason...it's been a couple of shitty days at work and i've had one(three) too many glasses of wine and well this is what you get:

first of all lis THANK YOU for making me smile with your comment. i was stoked with the compliment. i get a big kick out of your blog too! (seriously read her blog it's great)


second, i completely offended an entire race of people in about three seconds at work today with out even realizing..i'm a JACKASS! here's the story(this might get wordy it takes some background for the full effect) so i work in a cleanroom environment(bunny suit, safety glasses, gloves...the whole nine) and we can only use certain types/colors of pens/markers. the colors are red and black...my opinion not pretty and it gets boring. we had been breaking the rules and using all kinds of colors but they busted us and now it's back to black and red. my friend jeff and i always complain about it bc 1)lame and 2)nothing better to do. today was a LONG and TEDIOUS day of things breaking and going wrong for twelve hours...so it's the end of my shift and i'm just wrapping things up and he leans over and says "no pretty colors" and i immediately shoot back with "black are you kidding me that's not pretty" (side note jeff is a black guy) he just stood there and then coughed and walked off. i am completely oblivious to what happened until my co worker was looked at me with like WTF is your problem and then burst into laughter...of course i was like "huh" and then BAAAAAM! it hit me...WOW I AM A JACKASS WHAT IS MY PROBLEM!! i felt/feel horrible. so needless to say work is going to be interesting(red:awkward) tomorrow at work. oh did i mention like four people at work like me and don't think i'm a bitch? wait make that three...oops my bad i suck!

so another thing...as i was sitting on my couch guzzling riesling tonite i got to thinking about how completely insanely awesome my dog is..i know i know "another crazy dog person" but seriously he's awesome. he's a golden retriever puppy and pretty much the chillest dog ever. oh and he loves wine(i know this by NO fault of my own) AND he knows what glass the wine is in and gets just as about excited as i do when i have some! i left the glass on the table like two months ago and he helped himself to a couple of drinks...now he's hooked. he IS my dog so i guess that's to be expected. the boyfriend doesn't know...SURPRISE! (the boyfriend is on deployment THREE WEEKS and he'll be home...i'm pretty much jumping put of my skin with excitement) *tried to put a picture of chaz we'll see if it works*

moving right along into more rambling for anyone who loves wine like i do...my favorite is riesling..YUMM! but a friend of mine gave me a gewurztraminer and i might say it's delicious. so give it a try and let me know if you like it. it's a sweet wine but seriously!

i also decided what my biggest pet peeve is. it absolutely grates on my nerves when someone tells me i look "tired"! really...who the hell are you to tell me i look tired. you mean absolutely NOTHING why are you speaking to me or even in my general direction especially at 6:45 in the morning. and for some reason people don't understand that telling a girl they look "tired" is a polite way of saying you look like shit. and last time i checked no one liked to be told that. so just for future reference don't say that kind of thing to girls or for that matter ANYONE!

ohk so i think this is getting a little space cadet even for me. i leave you with this:there's always atleast one person that can make you smile when you've had days that the world just opens up and shits all over your day...hold on to that person and appreciate them and let them know how important they are to you. i know that came out of left field but i promise it's good advice.

it's that time
peace bitches
Kristy J

**i have no idea how to put pictures where i want them...but obviously that's my beautiful dog**